Toilet Humour

I feel I should apologise before I've even started, as this entry closely resembles 'toilet humour'. However in the scheme of things a little toilet humour had never done anyone any harm (I'm sure someone has a story to the contrary to that statement).

The setting of this story is a normal day at work. Dan was dressed in his standard work attire; a shirt which is usually crumpled as Dan tries to get two days wear out of it (for which I am very grateful) but always forgets to hang it up after the first day, and trousers which have inevitably lost a button but haven't been fixed because as soon as he takes then off Dan forgets they need a button and doesn't remember until running out of the door the next day (at which point he hopes I can magically fix them in 10 seconds flat- I’m good, but not that good!). Also is the inevitable coffee stain somewhere on his person which represents the rushed coffee he tried to have mid morning before his bleep (sometimes known as a pager) went off.

A doctor’s bleep is a communication tool which enables nurses and other staff to always be able to contact the doctor looking after their patients. They simply dial the personalised bleep number and the extension of the phone they are calling from and in an instant the bleep lets out a startling shrill stopped only by its acknowledgment. This had led to many a coffee spillage for all doctors everywhere. We doctors dream of drowning the bleeps, especially at 3am during a night shift, yet we also feel attached to them.

This particularly day Dan went for a post lunch toilet break. For those of you faecally minded Dan did a number 3-4 Bristol Stool Chart motion (feel free to Google for more graphic description of the grading system and for those of you who don't have the Google facility this grading equates to a pretty well formed poo).

As Dan sorted himself out and pulled up his buttonless trousers and belt the bleep took a rather unfortunate fall, into the toilet bowel. Pre flush. Instant dilemma. Not only do these gadgets cost a lot, but without out them our connection to our patients is severed.  The bleep sank into...well you know what. If Dan flushed the toilet the bleep may disappear too and there was no way he could leave the cubical to get gloves- what if someone else flushed in his absence. Dan must save the bleep. So he decided in this moment to wrap toilet roll around his hand and grab the bleep. As he reached into the poo filled bowl the toilet paper unhelpfully disintegrated contributing to the mess. Bleep excised Dan washed it with soap and water. Silence. No bleeping, the screen was dead.

The rescue mission had been a success but the resuscitation attempt had failed.  Dan trudged to reception where he relayed the events.  Shocked yet amused the receptionists produced a donor bleep and an envelope for Dan to drop the old bleep into.

A few days later Dan was called to reception.  The unfortunate bleep had been officially replaced.  They proudly handed Dan the new bleep.  New and improved this model came with a chain which attached it to ones trousers.  No more swimming adventures for Dan’s bleeps.  Everyone breathed a sigh of relief- especially Dan.

We were very pleased to have a relaxing weekend after the poo incident.   We had a wonderful Saturday morning breakfast in Greymouth town followed by shoe shopping... for Dan.  I have learnt that the only way to make shopping bearable for Dan (and therefore me) is to fill him with coffee and cooked breakfast and then quickly take him shopping while his guard is down and he is still recovering from his protein overload.  On arrival to New Zealand two pairs of Dan’s shoes almost instantly disintegrated requiring replacement.  Dan HATES shoe shopping and confessed to me on this shopping trip that he has never bought new shoes.  However in Greymouth there is one shoe shop and it isn’t busy.  So Dan had the shop to himself and with some reassuring comments and about six pairs of good quality shoes to decided between we settled on two pairs, a result I was very pleased about!

We then went for a walk in the rain around some old mining tunnels which were spectacular and very exciting to explore although I can’t shed my anxiety about tunnels.  We retreated home for an early night. 

Sunday was a glorious day and we spent the afternoon at Nelsons Creek with folk from our church.  The Creek meanders in a way which distributes the sediment making it very safe for children to swim in.  Across the water steps are calved out of the bank and you can climb up and jump off into the crystal clear water.  There is a free camp site with basic facilities and if you feel inclined you can pan for gold at a public panning area.  New Zealand is such a wonderful place to explore!

 

I hope everyone is enjoying the snow and it hasn't disrupted life too much.

 

Much love

 

S x